Thursday, June 15, 2017

Glitter and Wine

I've been thinking a lot about the unicorn pool floatie I saw the other day at Macy's. I don't really like Macy's, but I was there because my friend wanted to be. She was looking at clothes, and I was loving the table of some the tackiest, most amazing items I have ever seen.

I spent probably 20 minutes wandering around this table, looking at every single item on it, appreciating that it was completely unashamed of itself. There were pineapple-capped metal water bottles, glittery coffee mugs, drink mixing kits, and tons of other completely dumb stuff no one needs. It's all obviously just junk, but it was loud and proud. I was the only one even mildly interested in these completely obnoxious items. I really wanted that unicorn pool floatie.

I didn't buy it. I think it was $29.99. There was a pink sprinkle donut (with a bite taken out of it?) floatie for $19.99. I figured I could find the unicorn cheaper on Amazon. And I did. I haven't bought it yet.

I've been appreciating a lot of sort of gaudy things lately.

SIDE NOTE. Here's a little secret about me and my writing process: I look up the definition of completely unremarkable words all the time while I'm writing. I want to be sure I'm using the words in their exact meaning. I just Googled "gaudy definitino (sic)":
gaud·y - ˈɡôdē/ adjective extravagantly bright or showy, typically so as to be tasteless.

OK, well, like, why's it gotta mean tasteless? What is taste, even? I just Googled that, too. Means it's cheap and showy. Well, whatever. END SIDE NOTE.

I try to keep most of my life pretty classic, relatively traditional (you should see the furniture in my house), "normal," middle of the road, not necessarily vanilla — I just ate some caramel cone sundae ice cream or something like that — so maybe vanilla with a twist? Whatever you want to call it, I lead an average life.

ANOTHER SIDE NOTE. Is that my niche? Have I finally found my calling? Self-aware average girl? The only person in the world to ever acknowledge the fact that she is average in every way possible? (Hyperbole. Irony. Chill.) END SECOND SIDE NOTE.

But I can think of so many of these types of things I've been doing lately and completely loving it in all of its obnoxiousness. Because why not? I'm enjoying it. I don't think it's really bothering anyone? Most people were probably completely unaware of any of this until I published this list:
  • I have blue acrylic nails right now — an overlay, to be exact. 
  • I have a glittery pink iPhone case (on my iPhone.... not just as something to carry around). 
  • I got a subscription to a shipment of wine. Received my first shipment last week. Loving it. 
  • I use "charcoal" face wipes. 
  • I got a shipment of "all natural" cleaning products. 
  • I bought some shorts with an elastic waist that are not athletic shorts. They're super weird and amazingly comfortable and kind of like the more appropriate form of yoga pants for shorts. 
  • I took a blanket to work to sit with and keep me warm in my cube. People stop by and ask me professional things while I'm tucked in. No big deal.  
  • I bought a black and white striped Kate Spade coffee mug with an M on it (at Macy's—it was the last one and it was on sale and it just so happened to have an M on it, so it was a natural fit). 
  • I was incredibly excited to learn that Taylor Swift is back on Spotify. I giggled when I realized it happened the same day Katy Perry released her new album, which I haven't heard yet. Choosing not to listen!.... Also just not actually interested. Her music is weird now. 
  • I was ECSTATIC to learn Taylor Swift released four karaoke albums to Spotify. I spent my Friday evening last week cleaning my kitchen with my "all natural" products and nailing every line.
I think this is what life will always be like for me now. Why should it change? I like it.

I think I'm going to buy that unicorn floatie because I can't get the image out of my head of me floating on it in my bikini and sunglasses, singing Taylor Swift karaoke with a nice homemade tropical drink... or just a sparkly plastic cup of wine. Doesn't that sound fun (for me)? I can't think of any reason I wouldn't pursue this daydream.

So... yeah. Welcome to my completely average life. It's not that difficult anymore. I'm an adult now. It has its challenging moments, but everything in between is basically glitter and wine these days. If you're already at this v *mature* stage in your life, get excited for me to describe your average life for you. I'm excited to be here.

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