Tuesday, May 6, 2014

"That's our Megan, a real voyeur."

Today, my strife is that I'm an idiot.

This is true most days, but more true today than others. Before I tell you what happened, I'll provide a little context.

Let me first repeat that I am an idiot and add that I am a BIT of a prude

So, my only friend at work and I were chatting online about a project I've been working on and I was telling him about the somewhat unorthodox progress I've made recently—a completely work-related conversation. He, being much older and wiser and my self-appointed mentor, was using lots of nice words to describe me that also related to me venturing out on my own. One of those compliments was "Maverick McGee." I didn't know what that meant, but whatever. He was being nice, so I took it, and I learned the word "maverick" in relation to something other than the basketball team from Dallas. A little later in the conversation, after a bit of digression, I used a stupid word that was really lacking in brain-use (You might be wondering what I said. It wasn't work-related. I referenced a story I made up days ago about the old man in the apartment next to his dying while masturbating—Edit: the man did die; I made up the story about how. I used the term "juices," which I had previously been banned from saying, because I'm immature and that word came to mind faster than the word "semen." )

Then this happened (my real-time thoughts, unwritten to my friend, in italics), copied directly from the conversation, with only a few irrelevant omissions:

Him:
We have to work on your vocab selection.
Me:
Yeah. I'm an adult.
Him:
Big time.
Me:
A voyeur  
...Upping the vocab game. What's up.
Is that a word?  
Doesn't matter. I think he understands what I mean.
Him:
Yes.
Me:
Am I that?
Him:
It means you like to watch.
Me:
Oh, no.  
Like bird watching? Nah. I prefer to be the one venturing out rather than sitting back. That's not really what I was going for. He didn't understand.
Him:
I don't know what you do in your spare time.
Me: 
My spare time?
I thought it meant I like to go on voyages.  
Voyeur doesn't mean adventurous, risk taking? I mean, I could go on a voyage in my spare time, right? Like a viking. I like boats.
Him:
Please tell me you've referred to yourself as that before.  
Me:  
Uh oh. Have I? Have I ever used this word before?
I have not.
I'm so stupid.
Him:
I mean, no, there's not any real reason you should know that word.
So not stupid.
Me:
Why does it mean to watch?
I should look this up.... Google "Voyeur definition"... 
Reads:
vo·yeur
voiˈyər,vwä-/
noun
noun: voyeur; plural noun: voyeurs
a person who gains sexual pleasure from watching others when they are naked or engaged in sexual activity. 
Jesus fuck. I'm an idiot. 
Him:
I think it's French 
Me:
omg i just looked it up
Yuck. People do that? Not me.  
Him:
Don't quote me 
Me:
I understand the full meaning now.
Definitely doesn't mean bird watching. Or voyage-taking.  
Him:
That's our Megan, a real voyeur.

Goddamnit. Wtf is wrong with me. Who just goes around calling themselves words they don't know the meaning of? I was so far off on the meaning, yet bold enough to just go ahead and call myself that. Jesus.

I attempted to stifle my laughter at myself alone in my cube for the next five minutes, until we had to go to a meeting. I thought about it again and again as I sat there all by myself, blushing, sweating profusely and doing this weird eye-watering/crying thing I do sometimes when I've really embarrassed myself. I'm so dumb. I have continued to think about it since it happened. I am SO dumb.

These are my stages of emotion after dealing with my own idiocy.

Mostly this. Just like. I can't even. What an idiot.


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