Friday, May 2, 2014

Detox Week

I started a "28-Day Nutrition Kick Start" program at work this week. I had no idea what I was signing myself up for. I decided that this (hopefully brief) time lacking exercise would be a good time to focus on nutrition, and I noticed the company-wide email said "sign-up is first come, first served," so I jumped on it without reading the details. Hahaha, no one's going to respond faster than me!, I thought. I was right. I got in the very first session offered. I thought it was going to be a class that would just provide some simple nutritional information that I could use when I wanted to. Nope. The nutritionist lady brought out the RULES.

For "Detox Week," and ideally the whole time, I'm not supposed to have:
Sugar
Dairy
Alcohol
Gluten

For the full 28 days, I'm not supposed to have:
Processed foods
Artificial sweeteners
Soft drinks
Diet food ("fat free")
Fast food
Red meat
Trans fats
High fructose corn syrup
Corn byproducts
Soy byproducts
Canola oil
Vegetable oil

Ideally, exclusion of all of these things from my diet would continue after this month... You know, because I "kick started" my nutrition. 

I showed Evan the list and he said. "Things you can't have: food." Ha. Ha. Ha. Thanks for the support. 

You know I'm gonna be having some alcohol after the first week. Let's just be clear about that. I don't think I can take myself seriously if I have to order "Just a water with lemon, please" at a bar again while my friends all drink 50-cent Boulevard Wheats.

Now, I'm going to try to stay away from dairy and gluten the whole time, but it will be really difficult. The very most difficult thing to stay away from though is sugar. I tried it during lent. It's in everything. I ended up having to get real with myself, and I decided I would just not add sugar to drinks or eat sweet things. But now, I have to avoid a food if sugar is on the ingredients label. Know what that means? No Sriracha. I CAN'T EVEN. I love Sriracha. On everything. It makes the world a better place. But its second ingredient listed is sugar. So, none for me. I can have natural sugar only, like that found in strawberries, of which I have already eaten so many.

The rest of that stuff on the list, I usually try to avoid anyway. I don't drink soda (unless it's tonic or club soda with vodka) and I don't eat that much fast food—though I do love me some Fresco Soft Tacos.

Evidence (that's a Fresco Soft Taco in my hands). Also, this dead look is how I feel about these nutrition restrictions.

I like red meat, but I can do without. The tough one to skip here is corn. I eat corn tortillas pretty often. I like a good corn chip with some fresh salsa. I can only have corn now if it's organic because of all the chemicals/GMO stuff going on in most corn.

Also, I eat more processed foods than I realize, so this is going to be really hard. Like, I actually have a pretty decently stocked pantry of canned foods that I use somewhat regularly. All processed. Mother eff. Black beans are healthy! Nope. Not out of that can they're not, apparently. Ugh.

So, I'm supposed to let everyone know that I might be a little cranky as I journey through detox week. I feel fine so far, but you never know what's coming. After the detox slump, I'm supposed to feel great. And I heard from a friend that this is true, so I'm looking forward to that.

Maybe this will be the little spark I always needed to really let the raging health nut inside of me out. Before you know it, I could be preaching this practice. Until then, it is my strife. Stay posted.

1 comment:

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